new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
