i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize