I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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