Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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