You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
