There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
