Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize