i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
