He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I enjoy the company of your penis
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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