I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
