i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
