drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
