I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
