Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
