Plan B is the new Plan A
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
