I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
