You're completely useless in the revolution.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
