Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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