I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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