also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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