I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I need to align my fucking chakras
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize