respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
