y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
