You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
