there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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