You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
