Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
