Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
