i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My pussy is not your playground.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
