just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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