And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
