Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
40s are totally the cure
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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