If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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