Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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