It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
