morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
