Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
