He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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