Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
