Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
