I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize