"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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