the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
