if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
