Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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