he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
