afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
