In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
