How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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