So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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