After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
