the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
