And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How does it feel to date your dad?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
