Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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