Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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