She is in my trunk
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
