dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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