i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
