dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
