I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
