I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
