I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
