I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
