he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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