Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
