That's intense
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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