My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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