Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
