Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
