You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
