I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
