She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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