He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
