Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
